Parents often see their kids as an extension of themselves — my kid reflects how good of a parent I am, my children validate me, my children are a part of me.
You can see this when a parent is always telling their kids what to do, controlling their lives, or wanting the kid to be responsible for the parent’s anger, anxiety, or sadness.
The result of this kind of relationship is that often the kid grows up without a strong sense of self. They don’t know how to set boundaries, because the parents didn’t let them. They don’t know how to take care of their emotional needs, because the parents didn’t allow it. They look to others to reflect their value, because that’s what the parents trained them to do.
None of this is meant to make the kid or the parents wrong for how this goes. It’s just to shine a light on what’s happening, and to try to understand how it works.